helenrchao's Xanga

Clams in a Boiling Pot

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 05:13:38 GMT

Clams in a Boiling Pot

All these years,
I have been playing the game of knowledge-seeking,
Done under the guise of promoting civilization, contributing to society, I was cheating myself;
Observe all these mortal beings, who really are living in a burning house and finding their own amusement,
Day and night not knowing what they're busy about, busy for what, suffering for what,
Like clams in a boiling pot, closing the shell, and thinking they have obtained safety,
"With great pain, small pain is pleasure,"
Just have to think about it a bit to know that the boiling of the body is a fate inevitable,
Even more pitiful, is how many people have thought of this point,
But because they can not find the answer, they gave up,
And continue to be clams in a boiling pot.
By Master Jien Hu

熱鍋上的蚌蛤

這麼多年來，
我一直在玩著求知的遊戲，
美其名為促進文明，貢獻社會，我在騙自己；
觀察芸芸眾生，真的是身處火宅猶兀自嘻戲，
日日夜夜不知在忙什麼，為何忙，為何苦，
像熱鍋中蚌蛤，合上外殼，以為得到安逸，
「在大苦中，小苦為樂」，
想一想就知道最後滾水燙身的命運仍是難免，
更可悲的，是多少人也曾想到這一點，
但因找不到答案，而放棄了，
繼續去做鍋裡的蚌蛤。
文／見護法師

http://www.ctworld.org/disciple/mind/a/hu0028_01.htm

La Media Vuelta

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 18:26:53 GMT

La Media Vuelta
Jose Alfredo Jimenez
Cantante: Luis Miguel

Te vas porque yo quiero que te vayas
A la hora que yo quiera te detengo,
Yo sé que mi cariño te hace falta
Porque quieras o no
Yo soy tu dueño

[You go because I want you to go
At the time that I want, you hold back
I know that you need(lack) my affection
Because want it or not
I am your owner (of your heart)]

Yo quiero que te vayas por el mundo
Y quiero que conozcas mucha gente
Yo quiero que te besen otros labios
Para que me compares
Hoy, como siempre

[I want you to go out into the world
I want you to meet lots of people
I want you to be kissed by other lips
For you to compare them (with mine)
Today, to forever]

Si encuentras un amor que te comprenda
Y sientas que te quiera más que nadie
Entonces yo daré la media vuelta
Y me iré con el sol
Cuando muera la tarde

[If you meet a love who understands you
And you feel that he loves you more than anyone
Then I will turn around
And leave with the sun
When the afternoon dies]

Te vas porque yo quiero que te vayas....

[You go because I want you to]

Basic story: Girl breaks up with guy, guy says "You're leaving because I want you to. Go ahead and meet other people, let them kiss you; and when you compare them to me, you'll realize that you need me, that I'm the owner of your heart."

My Scariest Nightmare - The Uninvited Contest

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 00:01:22 GMT

I just blogged about my scariest nightmare to enter The Uninvited Scariest Nightmare Contest for 1,000 credits. You can earn free credits too! Brought to you by The Uninvited - In Theaters January 30th.

Gone With the Wind...

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 06:12:00 GMT

... that swept the past away

"I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now

Where has my heart gone?
An uneven trade for the real world
Oh I, I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all"
-Field of Innocence by Evanescence

I remember the days when my greatest joy was to obey my mother's every word to the best of my ability; to receive a pat on the head with a smile and the words "Good job!" was life's greatest reward.

When before I worked so, so hard to memorize the multiplication table just so I could always be the first student to finish the math test and still get perfect, and go home to hear Mom's laugh while I brag to her of my accomplishments- now, I'm too lazy to even start on my math homework until 10pm, and stay up knowing that Mom was next door, twisting and turning in bed, worrying about my health.

When before I worked so, so hard to stretch whenever I have the chance and to focus in dance class just so I could earn that "scholarship for excellent performance", and go home to see Mom's face beaming with pride, holding the check tight in my little chubby hands- now, I get a small ankle injury and I stop dancing, only because I wanted more time to indulge myself at home knowing that whenever Mom eyes my ankle with a frown, she is worrying about my safety.

Even though I've changed, my mother has not.
She will always ask me in that gentle, caring voice, "Is schoolwork that's overwhelming you? Is there anything I can do to help lighten your load, so you can get a little more sleep?"
She will always ask me in that soft, concerned tone, "How's your ankle? Should I schedule an appointment with the physical therapist? Oh, here, let me get that for you, you'll hurt your foot if you stand on your toes like that."

Mom,
Why can't you see that when you wash all those plates emptied of all the food you woke up at 6 am to cook for me, the water soaks your hands and worsens the testimonial wrinkles of your labors?
Why can't you notice that when you unflaggingly work a job that makes you sit in front of the computer for eight hours every day just so I can go to a better college I'm not even working hard towards, you are tiring your eyes and worsening your eyesight, an eyesight that is already half blind?

And most of all, how can you be so selfless while I greedily take away your youth, your vision, everything I want, at your expense?

Sin

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 02:55:58 GMT

Sinning, suffering, and wanting are intimately intertwined.

Why do we sin?
For example, lions: they suffer from hunger, and they want meat. Therefore they kill; they sin.
What about humans? We covet more things than lions do- (kill for)food, (destroy for)shelter, (rob for)water... yet those are only necessities. We (lust for) wo/men, (cheat for) money, (lie for) reputation...
Then how much have we sinned?

My waist is firmly girded by a rope, and a monster called Time holds the other end, slowly, steadily, but surely drawing me closer to the edge of a cliff: Death.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 15:45:03 GMT

The only thing a mother's love cannot endure is her child's hate.

A friend cries with you. A great friend cries for you when you're crying on the in and laughing on the out.

Sometimes, white lies are necessary to preserve the well-being of others... but is it still a "white lie" when you're lying to preserve the well-being of yourself?

Nostalgia

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 02:45:03 GMT

Wow. I received this "Come back, helenrchao!" e-mail thinggy from xanga.
So I did as I was told. And found the whole xanga changed. I couldn't find where everything was.
I had to look 10 mins to find how to post a new blog, and even after 10 mins, all I could find was "revert to the old private page". Click. Horray.
Seeing everything changed definitely made me feel a bit of nostalgia... the way I felt when I went back to take a look at my neopets account after leaving it for 2 years, and found a couple new islands and worlds and pets and petpetpets...
Change. Things change. Times change. People change. The cycle of changing... I wish it wouldn't stop.
I sincerely do.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 03:59:17 GMT

I won't be on the internet from August 1 ~ 2nd, and from August 3 ~ 14th I'll be on a trip to Alaska. *sigh*
another long term parting from my beloved computer and internet. Ah well. Alaska may be worth it.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 17:50:04 GMT

I am sad to say i have betrayed xanga and joined facebook... all my friends are xanga-dead...

Friday, July 20, 2007

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 13:33:16 GMT

Whoo.. now i'm leaving on a dance camp for 3 days... heh... busy summer...